oh wow.

i give up on life.

as of right now i just want to curl up in bed and never get out. seriously. i know this is unreasonable, but it sounds amazing right now.

oh wow. i'm frustrated with myself right now.

argh. it's all me. it always has been.

i'm stopping myself from being happy. why am i doing this to myself?

i just can't see the bigger picture.

it is time to change. really, it is time.

the decision is all mine

"be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man" -Benjamin Franklin

this quote is exactly what i need to hear. i know what my vices are and weaknesses are, which is a good thing. but sometimes they just seen so powerful and i feel like i can't overcome them. my struggle with my vices and weaknesses will always be there. i will always be dealing with them. but since i am aware of them i will know what i need to work on.

i know it's not the new year, but that doesn't mean goals are out of reach. i can set them now on this lovely day in october. change is always needed.


this doesn't have anything to do with goals, but who cares? :)
can i just say how grateful i am for my body and the many incredible things it's capable of? it is truly amazing. it can adapt to new situations so fast. oh wow, so mind blowing. i feel honored that God would trust me with such an amazing gift. i am so grateful for it. i want to take care of it because after all, it's not mine.

it's difficult.

the last couple of days have been hard but i've realized that change is possible. i have everthing i need for it. it's just a matter of me not giving in to the present moment. friends habits can become your habits very easily and this is something i need to be fully aware of. i remember i was watching a show once and a guy said, "if you start hanging out with losers, you'll become losers." now, i am not saying my friends are losers but i am acknowledging that i will pick of traits from my friends whether it's a bad or good thing. i need to be mindful in everything

i need to continue to have a positive attitude. i can do anything. i have the power.

power within us

we as human beings have the power to either make this life amazing or do nothing with it. i have decided right now that it's going to be amazing. i'm going to make it amazing. i have the power to take control of my life and make the necessary changes that are needed. i am the only person stopping myself from anything. i need to change. change is a must. i can do. i really can. why do i give in so easily? why can i not see the bigger picture? why am i giving in to the present when i want things that won't come right now? why can't i see my body for the great machine it is? why can't i take better care of it? so many why's.

i am going to change for myself and to show my family that i can do it.

i'm not alone. no, i'm just on my own.